Rebirth11 min read
I Leapt Twice: The Bell in My Daughter's Hand
ButterPicks19 views
The first time Avianna died in my arms, Grant was at a rooftop party celebrating some girl's birthday.
"You promised you'd come," I said once, through tears, when his voice finally reached me like a distant echo.
"It was just—" he began, and then the line went dead.
I held Avianna's small, warm body, the bell on her wrist chiming once, and the world narrowed to that one ringing sound and the coldness of a hospital roof. Then I jumped.
I woke up to my twenty-third birthday. The cake candles were still sodden with wax. Outside, the skyline spelled my name in lights. I sat up and tasted ashes and a second chance.
"Jordan," he said, opening the door as if he owned my mornings. "I brought someone over. This is Imelda. She's my uncle's granddaughter—her parents passed. She's alone here studying. Be kind."
He put Imelda in front of me like a present he wasn't sure I wanted to unwrap.
"She seems so fragile," he added, his eyes gentle with a softness I had once thought was mine.
I knew the rest of the story too well. I had twined myself into him like a vine, and when the vine could no longer give fruit, he had found another garden.
"I don't want to meet new people today," I said, and the words were a blade I meant to use.
Grant's hand closed on my wrist. "Don't be dramatic. It's just a visit."
"I want to be alone," I said, and pulled my hand free. "Please. You two can have the rest of the evening."
His face changed in a way I recognized from the dream that had become my past life: confusion, hurt, then a flash of something older—annoyance dressed as wounded pride.
"Are you breaking up with me?" he asked later, when he followed me into my room and shut the door.
"Yes," I said, plain as winter. "Cancel the wedding. Don't call the photographers. I'm done."
He stared like a child who had lost a toy. "You're joking."
"I am not joking."
He reached for me, and I pushed him away. "Grant, this isn't a game. I don't want the life that kills me. I've seen the ending."
He laughed, half strangled. "You're acting like a drama queen. Tell me who else you love. Tell me I wasn't enough."
"You weren't," I answered. It was a truth worn smooth by a night's dreams and a small girl's dying breath. "You were enough to build a life that looked perfect. You were not enough to keep a promise."
"Jordan," he begged, voice thinning. "Tell me what I did wrong. I can change."
This was the question I'd heard in the other life—the plea that came too late. I felt the past press behind my ribs like a storm.
"You can change," I said. "Starting now. Stop calling meetings with other women. Stop taking business trips where you disappear. Or just don't promise anything you won't keep."
He sank into his chair like a defeated king. "I thought you would always forgive me."
"You don't get to assume that anymore."
My father tried to stop me. "You're twenty-three. We sent out invitations," he snapped. "A wedding doesn't cancel because you woke up dramatic."
"Then don't come," I said. "This is my life."
My father hit me. Several times. His face was a weather map of anger.
"You're ruining everything," he spat. "You signed contracts. People will laugh."
"Let them." I packed a bag. I left the house everyone thought I belonged in and moved to the little apartment my grandparents had left me—the place with the crooked window and the light that came in like a promise.
"So you cut me off?" Grant asked on another night, on the step outside my building, breath clouding in the cold.
"Yes."
"Please, Jordan. Don't make this harder."
"I already made it hard by trusting you," I said. "Now I make it simple. We are done."
He left, and for the first time in a long time, his shoulders looked thin, like someone had taken the padding of life away.
I used the time the world had given me. I studied, I read, I canceled my old phone and bank cards as if erasing a handwriting. I taught myself the slow and steady patience that grief had gutted the first time. I applied to B City for graduate school and went. B City was snow on the edges and libraries with warm lights. It smelled like second chances.
On the second winter, a doctor from the hospital where Avianna had been treated sat at an old professor's table and asked me about the cherry blossoms at Yuyuantan. He was taller than I remembered, with quiet eyes and a steady voice that didn't make promises it couldn't keep.
"Do you want to go look at them?" he asked. "It's a small thing, but... sometimes small things help."
"Dylan," he said later, more formally, and the name fit him like a coat. "I am Dylan Johansson."
"Jordan," I said.
He was careful the way a surgeon is careful with a child's broken limb. He treated my past as wounds to be tended, not scabs to be ripped.
"You should keep your old house," he said once, when I told him about the crooked-window apartment. "It's a memory. Memory doesn't have to be terrible."
We married in a quiet ceremony. He brought his textbooks to our kitchen. I brought my list of books on the shelf. We joked about how ridiculous we'd look in an old photograph—me with my glasses, him with a tie askew.
"I want to be present for everything," he said the night our son was born. "I will be there."
He was.
The life that followed was the ordinary miracle—diapers and sleepless nights, first steps and a laugh that could stop a room. We called our daughter moments "the small longings across a table." Avianna's bell had been the ring of a life I lost; now there was a new bell on a new tiny wrist—my son, Milo, curled in Dylan's arms the night we named him.
And Grant faded like a rumor. Rumors change with time.
But the universe does not like loose ends. People remember. People gossip. Old lovers burn slow and then flare. Imelda—the little girl Grant had brought to my birthday—came to B City, her face in forums and photos as a scholarship student who had been "rescued" into luxury. She walked the halls with a practiced fragility that reminded me of a bird trying to wear other people's feathers.
She smiled at me one day in the library like a knife with a bow.
"Jordan, I never thought you'd—" she trailed off.
"Don't," I said. "Save it."
She laughed thinly. "Grant must have told you I'm just a girl with no home."
"You were never a girl," I said. "You were a plan."
She stared. "How dare you—"
"How dare you throw yourself at someone's life and lie in wait," I said. "How dare you pretend grief when you planned."
Her face hardened. "You don't know anything. I made choices."
"True," I murmured. "But what you didn't count on was me getting a second chance."
Her mouth opened. She had the look of someone who had been taught to believe they'd always have the last laugh.
That's when I began to plan.
I had learned to be patient. I had learned to be careful with the truth and how to let it gather like a storm.
The first punishment was for Imelda.
It had to be public.
It took place at the university's annual charity lecture, a glittering evening filled with donors and faculty. The hall was full: professors in wool, students in their best, socialites sipping spiced wine. The head table had been placed under crystal lights. Grant, by then, had married another woman—someone his family preferred—and he was there as a token of success, his jaw as smooth as someone who had never learned consequence.
Imelda arrived like a specter in white.
She walked past me and brushed my sleeve with a smile sharpened into a blade. "Jordan," she purred. "You kept quiet for so long."
"I didn't keep quiet," I said softly.
The lights dimmed. I rose to speak as the host introduced me for a short thanks—the publicity I had to accept. My words were simple, practiced. "I want to tell you about a girl's bell," I began. "About a child who had a bell that she loved. Small things matter. Truth matters."
A few heads tilted. Grant's eyes flicked to me with a flicker of something like panic.
"Imelda," I said. "You told the university you were from a family with no ties. You told donors you were an orphan in need. You used that story to win scholarships and favors. In private messages you sent them last year, you called me 'the stepping stone' and boasted about 'how easy' it would be to step into my life."
Laughter—confused at first. Imelda's smile faltered.
"Show them," she hissed to the woman beside her. Her voice snapped — thin and brittle. "You're mad."
I had prepared a folder. "Here are the messages," I said. I set my phone on the podium and projected them onto the screen behind me. Each message scrolled, the white text on black like a confession.
"—He'll never leave her for me—" read one.
"—You just play hurt and he'll be yours—" read another.
The room rose like a tide. Gasps, a chair scraping, a phone clattering onto a table. A donor stood with his hand over his mouth.
Imelda's face drained. "That's fake," she cried. "That's doctored!"
"Do you want to deny them yourself?" I asked. "Are you sure?"
She laughed, high and keening. "I would never—"
"I have records of bank transfers, too," I said. "You didn't just tell stories. You were paid gifts, given trips, and your tuition was expedited by those around you who thought you were sad and alone. You lied to people to gain sympathy. You lied to a man to take a life he shouldn't have."
Her composure cracked. "You're lying—"
A camera flashed. Someone in the audience—a student—had their phone out. People whispered. The dean's face, once so immovable, flushed with embarrassment.
"Everyone," the dean said, finally, voice tight. "We will investigate these claims."
Imelda's denial turned to fury, and fury to pleading. "I didn't mean to—" she sobbed. "I was lonely. I—"
"People record things," someone called. "People kept receipts."
The crowd moved like a wave. Some hissed. Some whispered "shameless." Some leaned in, scandal-starved. Someone uploaded a clip; within minutes, the hall was a storm of notifications. The professor I had chosen to support me stood and gave a short speech about ethics. Grants and scholarships withdrew like tidewater from tiny shells.
Imelda's bravado collapsed into wet shoulders and a face too white for paint. She broke like a brittle thing. "Please—please," she begged me, words slurring. "I can repay—I'll repay—"
"You damaged lives to elevate yourself," I said, calm as winter sunlight. "You won't be expelled for being poor. You will be judged for being dishonest and manipulative."
The crowd's reaction was a chorus—some clapped, a few scolded, and many recorded everything with faces lit by small screens.
She pleaded, then screamed, then laughed hysterically. The progression was visible: smugness replaced by shock, shock by denial, denial by breakdown, breakdown by blind pleading. People surrounded her, some holding up phones, some looking away at the spectacle of a life unstitched.
That punishment was not a private torture. It was public. It was a revealed truth with witnesses. It was the university revoking a scholarship and starting disciplinary procedures. It was donors writing cold emails. It was social media threads calling out hypocrisy. Imelda had thought the world could be bent to her stories; it turned instead into a mirror.
Grant watched, his face carved in stone. He hadn't expected this. When it came to the second punishment, for him—he deserved something that cut deeper than scandal: the loss of the thing he prized most—his social ease and his mother's approval—publicly realized.
It happened at his family's investment gala a month later. The ballroom was opulent, chandeliers trembling with light. Grant stood on the dais accepting an award for "promising leadership." His new wife smiled like a polished photograph. He had the look of a man who'd been loved by his parents for making good choices.
"Please," I said to Dylan, taking his hand in the back row. "Let me do this."
He squeezed my fingers. "I trust you."
I walked into the gala with a folder and a steady breath.
On the stage, Grant lifted his award. "This isn't about—" he began.
"Grant," I said, when the room quieted. Every microphone seemed to lean toward me. "There's a story you know nothing about. There are bank transfers in your name to Imelda's accounts. There are travel logs that put you with her at times your family thought you were in meetings. There are messages where you promised a future to my daughter and then promised the same future to another."
A ripple of confusion.
"What is she talking about?" his sister hissed.
"Let her speak," his father said, at first amused. The amusement died quickly.
"You used your power," I said. "You used other people's grief to mask your betrayal. You left a child in chemo rooms while you were dining with someone else's charm. You were present in body only rarely. You were there for cameras and sponsors more than for our bed."
He flushed. "You're lying—"
"Look," I said. I set a photograph on the podium: Avianna in a small hospital gown, wings of a child's smile, the bell on her wrist. The room inhaled like someone learning bad news.
"Grant," I said. "Do you remember standing at that hospital window once and promising you'd always come? Where were you the nights she cried? Where were you when I called? The world watched you in those photos you've shared: dinners, meetings. My child's last breath was mine and no one else's. You were at a birthday party teaching another woman how to laugh with your hand on her shoulder."
His jaw opened. "Jordan—"
"We married because we thought love would be a roof," I continued. "You treated marriage like a title to be defended, not a loyalty. You thought you'll be forgiven because in a marriage your public face matters. Tonight, your public face will be the one everyone remembers."
The guests shifted in their seats. Phones came up like a bloom. A cousin of his father muttered, "This isn't the Grant we raised."
His mother rose, face pale. "What is she saying?"
"Look at this," I said, and projected a short video I had—Grant and Imelda at a private dinner months before. The laughter, the way Grant's hand rested on Imelda's knee, the way he seemed to dissolve. A hush. He looked smaller than the chandeliers.
He tried to deny. He called me "vengeful." He called me "bitter." He tried the old weapons: shame and silence. His words fell flat. "I'm sorry," he said, finally, and it sounded like a man who had learned the weight of a phrase too late. "I didn't know—"
"Dad," his sister snapped, "is this true?"
"We will handle this privately," his father said at first, but the crowd murmured.
The punishment wasn't thunderous legal action. It was simpler and crueler for him: his father—who had always valued public image—turned away. At the next board meeting, his "promising leadership" award sat in a box as donors withdrew interests quietly. The new wife, smart and ruthless, found it easier to keep distance and leverage her own network against him. At family dinners, he was now the quiet one in the corner. The newspapers that once loved his image began to sniff for a scandal and smelled something. Socially, he found doors closing with polite nods, his charm suddenly insufficient.
His reaction moved through stages: at first shock, then denial, then a frantic attempt to stitch reputations back together with contrite letters and staged charity lunches, then desperation—calls in the night pleading for his mother's forgiveness, and finally, a slow, public reduction of presence, a man who stood in the corner of his own story and watched people leave the ballroom.
Imelda and Grant experienced different collapses. Hers was exposure and the immediate ripple of shame; his was the slow erosion of esteem, the family turning away, the loss of the platform he had thought would carry him forever.
After that, life went on. Dylan and I raised our son with small rituals—bells on wrists for birthdays, a steady presence, the quiet and royal business of showing up. Every morning he would say, "Mom, the bell sounds safe," and I would hold him and feel it true.
In quiet moments, I still visited the little crooked house. I still placed a small wildflower by a single grave that had once been empty of other names. I kept a bell in a drawer—a small thing that had rung both my tragedies and my joys.
"Do you ever think about him?" Dylan asked once, coming up behind me in the kitchen.
"Sometimes," I said. "Not the young man who loved me once. The choices he made."
Dylan kissed my neck. "You made choices too."
"I did," I said, smiling. "But I'm allowed to choose the rest of my life."
On nights when snow settled like forgiveness on the city, I hung a small bell on the balcony rail and let the wind play it. It sounded bright and small and real.
Years later, at my son's recital, I sat in the second row and watched him clench a tiny bell on the keyboard and ring it like a promise. I thought about second chances, about justice that is sometimes sharp as glass and sometimes slow as weather.
"Mom," he whispered, when he ran back into my arms afterward, "the bell sounded so brave."
"Yes," I said. "It did."
I kept that bell in my hand as we walked home, and in the pocket of my coat was a tiny photograph of a different life—one where I had failed to speak soon enough. I had learned the hard part: to speak, and to let speaking be public when cruelty thrives on secrecy; to let truth loosen the ropes that bind other people's lies.
The bell in my daughter's hand had once been the sound of panic. Now it was an echo of something else—proof that the small things can matter, that an honest sound can reverberate, that some endings can be rewritten if you rise again and speak.
The End
— Thank you for reading —