Healing/Redemption12 min read
The Purple Door and the Red Beads
ButterPicks30 views
I found the note under Autumn's pillow with a hand that was still shaky enough to make the ink blot.
"Don't go into the extra room," it said.
"What extra room?" I whispered to the quiet apartment, and the ceiling answered with nothing at all.
I should have listened better to Autumn the week before. She had tried to tell me something. She had started to say it and then stopped.
"I was thinking—" she had begun, with that uneven laugh she used when she pretended to be easy. "After the pandemic, let's go to the Maldives. I want to see sunlight without fog."
"Okay," I had said, half paying attention to my online lecture, half to the coffee cooling beside my laptop.
She had tilted her head, the way she did when she wanted me to slow down and lean in. "There's something—"
"I can't now," I had cut her off, and I cannot forgive that sound of her mouth closing.
The coroner's photo was clinical, cruel. They found her in the bathroom, face pressed into the sink, mouth full of water. "Suicide," they said. "Tragic and inexplicable." The sink was too shallow; anyone could have lifted their head, especially Autumn, who fought so hard to stay alive.
The cameras I had secretly placed around the apartment—because she said sometimes she heard voices—showed no one coming in or out. They showed her at noon. They showed nothing for an hour at one. An hour where she simply...went away.
"She disappeared at one o'clock," I told the policeman. "One hour missing from every camera."
He looked at me like I had invented a clock trick. "No forced entry," he repeated. "No signs of struggle."
But when I crawled under the bed and ran my fingers along the plank, I found deep, frantic scratches, as if someone had clawed at the wood from the other side.
"I should have listened," I said to the bedframe until my voice broke.
That night, at one a.m., I heard two knocks—knock, knock—thin, precise, just like Autumn had written about in her diary.
"Did you hear that?" I asked the dark.
"Knocks?" a small voice answered, so startled that I thought it was my own imagination.
"Two knocks," I whispered back, and I tapped the wall with a shaking hand.
"Knock," it replied from inside the wall.
I froze. "Who is that?"
"Knock," came the answering wall, softer, like a memory.
I opened the window. A narrow sliver of yellow light had somehow been added to the building—an impossible window carved into the blank wall. Someone pushed it open with a long, white hand. The hand wore a bracelet of red beads—my bracelet. I had woven it last summer when Autumn joked about us getting matching things.
"A-Autumn?" I whispered, and a head slipped into view. The neck bent at an unnatural angle. Her skin was the same milky white I had seen in the funeral home, but her eyes—her eyes were black wells.
"Don't go into the room," she mouthed. "Don't go—"
Blood spilled from her lips, the red a brighter stain against the possibility of her face. I felt myself tilt into a dark coil of dizziness and then fade.
When I came to, morning light had replaced the yellow, and the impossible window was gone.
I charged the phone. Dead batteries, one message from a stranger: "Too bad about your sister. Next is you."
"Who is this?" I typed, my fingers slipping. The number returned "invalid."
I called my father's number. The voice that answered was thin and unreal. "Ye-ye?" he stammered. "Is that you—"
"It's me," I said. "Where are you? Why didn't you come?"
There were other voices in the background, far away and echoing. "Ye-ye—" he said again and then the line died.
At the funeral home the next day, Garrett Bittner's face changed as soon as he looked at me.
"You've come for the ashes, right?" he said. His fingers trembled when he reached for the ledger. "I'm sorry, Hunter. I mean...we burned a girl named Autumn Martinez ten years ago."
"What?" I said.
"You must be mistaken," I said. "She was at our place yesterday. I was told to bring the ashes today. They told me to call you."
Garrett opened a battered ledger. The entry was older than dust. "Autumn Martinez. Ten years ago." He told me of a time when the staff had tried to cremate a body and the thing had returned from the furnace, eyes open as if the heat had not touched her. "We had to burn her twice," he said. "We—no, it's—"
I ran from the office because I could not think in the closed air.
Outside, the rain started as if on cue, and Leticia Bentley, the old woman who sold rice rolls downstairs, reached for me like a lifeline.
"Hunter," she said, and for the first time there was no greeting—only an accusation. "There is no Autumn. You've always had only yourself."
"What are you talking about?" I demanded.
Leticia's eyes were pitted with an old pain. "You must go to the purple room," she said. "Time is short. You must go."
"You are dead," I blurted.
She bared stitches at her neck when she looked down. "Ah. So you see."
I ran. The stairwell numbers flickered. Where the fifth floor marker used to be, a red '4' glowed like fresh lettered blood. I ran down until the corridor swallowed light and the air tasted of old graves. Two figures appeared at the far end of the hall: a woman and a little girl in red. They moved like a toy, on tippy toes, smiling with painted smiles.
"Who are you?" I said, voice small. The little girl sniffed and said, "Your scent changed, sister."
"Don't go into the room," she sang in a child's voice, steady and wrong. "Don't go in."
The stairwell turned into a carnival of the dead. A funeral procession of faceless pallbearers rose from nowhere and pointed at me. "Hunter Cooley," they intoned, machine-voiced. "You must enter. Your time is short."
"You are lying!" I shouted. "Autumn told me not to—"
A man's voice, broken and wet, begged at my feet. The drunk driver who had once fled a smashed scene crawled to me, hands ripping at my jeans. "Please," he said, "take me to the purple room. I didn't mean— I didn't mean to—"
"You killed Leticia," I spat. "You hit her and left. You—"
He looked like a man who expected punishment, but not like this—like he thought he had bought himself out with running away. "I—I crashed," he whined. "I panicked. It wasn't meant to—"
I pulled away and ran because the stairwell had become night and I could not breathe. I shoved into the elevator. The doors showed a reflection: Autumn leaned on my back, the red beads on her wrist pressing into my skin. She smiled.
"Stay," she said. "Stay with me."
"Autumn," I cried, and then Klaus was there. "Klaus!" He looked like the Klaus I remembered and also not. He had the pale that lives on the other side. "Don't—"
"Trust me," he said. "You have to live."
"But she said—"
"Some of them lie," Klaus interrupted. "Some of them want you to stay. But not Autumn. Autumn loved you. She forgave you."
I wanted to fling myself into his arms. I wanted the world to split and resolve into something that made sense. Instead, the elevator slid to my floor and opened onto my apartment with a creak that sounded like a sigh.
There, on the wall, was a purple door. A door that had never been there. Autumn stood by it, her mouth forming a smile that was hungry.
"Why did you bring me back?" I asked her when she stepped closer, too close.
"Because I couldn't sleep," Autumn said. "Because I had to see you again. I keep drowning, Hunter. Every time I wake I find myself under water, and I remember your face and I can't stop."
"Why did you tell me not to go in?" I said.
She traced the red beads. "Because if you go in, you will be taken. Because the room wants to keep what it has. Because if you don't know to fight, you will stay."
"Then—" I said. "Then you want me to leave."
She touched my cheek with a hand that burned cold. "Go. Live. And do not come back for me. Not yet."
I wanted to reach for the purple knob and wrench it open and know everything. Instead, I watched her open the door.
"You can go back," she said. "But promise me one thing."
"Promise me what?" I whispered, though my chest hurt like it might split.
"Promise me you'll remember I loved you enough to keep you alive even if it hurt me."
"Autumn—"
The light in the purple room flared, and for a moment I saw a self on a hard floor, ribs moving under pressure, hands pushing on a chest while people shouted a name. I saw blood and the world snapping a picture, a camera that took me and froze me.
"Wake!" a voice screamed in my ears, and I opened my eyes to a hospital ceiling and my mother's face bent over me like a storm.
"You're awake!" she sobbed. "You drove into a tree. You were unconscious."
I tried to speak but my throat was full of something like a dream. "Autumn?" I croaked.
Haylee, my mother, swallowed and kissed my forehead as if that would mend ten years. "She's gone," she said, and the words were both a hammer and a lullaby.
Later, as the family gathered, as Garrett explained records, as the ledger confirmed what I had seen, two names I could not forget kept pressing against me: Francisco Duncan and Ravi Bennett.
Francisco was a man who had ruined a family. He had treated his wife cruelly and left her and the child to drown in a river of hopelessness. The papers had said "suicide" and grief had blurred the lines. He had been seen at doorways, at celebrations, at work—untouched by consequence.
And Ravi—the drunk driver—had flung his car like a meteor that crushed Leticia's vendor table and rolled away, believing absence would be cover.
I could not sleep. At night I dreamed of the purple room, and every dream ended with a white hand and red beads.
So I decided—if the world would not deliver justice, perhaps I could borrow the clarity of the dead.
I went to the square where the families of the victims gathered on a wet Sunday and arranged a small vigil. The town responded with a hush that felt like breath held for a verdict.
"Ravi Bennett is here," someone hissed. "He lives by the highway."
I found him at the edge of the crowd, tall and sullen, hands in his pockets. He tried to melt into the rain. I think he hoped to be water.
"You hit her and left," I said when I reached him. "You drove away and left her."
His face shifted. "It was an accident," he said, voice low.
"It was a crime," a woman shouted from the crowd. "He didn't stop."
"Stop it," he pleaded. "You don't understand. I—"
"I understand that Leticia will not wake up," a man said. "We watched her every morning. She sold rice rolls and told jokes. You took that from us."
"Please," Ravi said. "Please, I'm sorry!"
He expected to be met with the quiet that insurance and courts give to men like him—papers and procedures. But the vigil was not a courthouse. It was a ring of people carrying faces and memories.
"You're sorry now," a widow said. "Where were you when she died, Ravi? At a club? At home? You left her under your wheels."
Ravi's bravado cracked like thin ice. He looked like he expected someone to pull him out and say, "Go on, get on with it." Instead, the crowd pressed close until his apologies sounded like a poor man repeating words to empty air.
I walked forward. "Look at me," I said.
He looked up, and for a moment I saw a child's fear in him, the fear of being caught by a parent.
"You will remember this," I said. "You will know who you hurt."
"Do something!" someone cried, and someone else turned up their phone.
Ravi stalled like a puppet with one string cut. "I—I'll go to the court," he said. "I will turn myself in—"
"You think that's the pain you owe?" the widow snapped. "Do you think court will bring her body back? Will it stitch her skull back together? Will it make the mornings with no rice rolls full again?"
He stared at her, and the tears began, at first wet beads, then the flood. His face crumpled. "I'm sorry," he said at last, and his voice was a small, broken thing.
"Say it, then," someone demanded. "Say her name."
"Leticia," he whispered. "I'm sorry, Leticia."
The crowd cracked with a sound that was half satisfaction and half contempt. His hands began to tremble hard enough to make rain splatter off his fingernails.
"You're going to live your sentence in your chest," I said quietly. "We're going to make sure you do not forget what you did."
He fell to his knees in the mud as if the ground could hold him accountable. He kept trying to say more, but the words were swallowed by a hundred voices and the click of phones. Someone started recording. The cameras would not repair what he had done, but they would make a public ledger of sorrow. The town surrounded him with a chorus of accusation, and for the first time I saw his face move from cocky denial to a slow, agonized comprehension. His eyes widened, then narrowed, then filled, then closed.
He begged. He cried. He tried to excuse himself with a thousand reasons, but the memory of a rice-roll vendor, her hands bent by work, the way she had smiled one more time—they were stronger than his words. The crowd hissed, spit words like a tide.
By the time the police arrived—because someone had called—they found a man on his knees in the mud with his head in his hands, surrounded by cameras and by the clear, cold mirror of social testimony. I left before they led him away because I could not watch the inside of his agony. The crowd's reaction followed him like an echo: condemnation, a tight, communal scorn that turned him into an example.
That public punishment was not law, but it was a reckoning that would not allow him to hide. His face had gone through the stages I had been warned about: smugness, shock, denial, breaking, pleading. The town's faces—those who had known Leticia—were an audience of people who would not let him rest. They took his apologies and turned them into something heavy that would sit in his chest like a stone.
But there was another punishment I needed to see. Francisco Duncan had maintained a veneer of normalcy—clean shirts, neat hair. He was the sort of man who believed his sins were private and could be buried under propriety.
I confronted him at the small community center where neighbors met for cake and cheap tea.
"Francisco Duncan," I said, "you left a woman and her child to drown."
He blinked as if the accusation came from a far place. "That is a horrible lie," he said, but the lie clung to his lips.
"Where were you the night she—" I began.
"Do not," he warned. "Listen, you don't know—"
The mother of the two had come that morning with photographs. "You told her you'd change!" she said. "You told her you would come back from work. You promised to be there."
He planted his hands on his hips like a man told to endure an insult. "People cheat, people leave," he said without remorse. "Why are you dragging me—"
"Because people die," the mother said. "Because your leaving killed her."
He laughed then, sharp and brittle. "Killed? That's melodrama."
The room fell quiet. He was trying to keep his composure. "I paid her some money," he added weakly. "I gave her support for a while."
"We have letters," someone said. "We have messages he sent to a lover."
They projected the messages onto a wall like evidence in some small court of conscience. Screens showed dates, intimate words, plans that had left a mother alone on the riverbank. The room watched as Francisco went through a cascade of facial changes: initially annoyance, then irritation at being interrupted, then a flush of anger, then confusion as photographs—of the mother and the child—appeared like witnesses.
"No," he said at first. "That's—"
"Speak up," a man ordered. "Say what you did."
"I didn't force—" he said. "We had an argument, she...I didn't know she would—"
"She left a note," the mother said, voice thin. "She wrote it for me. She said she couldn't go on."
A murmur collected into a sound like rain. Francisco's jaw worked. He tried to smile, and the smile slithered into something that was not a smile. He grew small on the stage of his own exposure.
"Why did you think you could walk away?" the mother asked. "Why did you think you could be clean?"
"I didn't mean to hurt anyone," he protested, and the protest was thin.
"Look at us," the mother said. "Look at what you left."
He shifted from denial to pleading. "I didn't know," he kept saying. "I didn't know—"
"You didn't know," repeated the mother, "because you never looked."
Faces in the room leaned forward. Phones were out. The projection replayed chat logs, late-night messages promising to return, messages that never came. The change in his face was a small cruel drama: entitlement, then surprise at being cornered, then shriveling panic. His protestations became smaller, and finally he began to beg.
"Forgive me," he begged. "Please, I did not—"
"Do you expect forgiveness?" the mother asked. "Do you expect to be given a clean slate?"
He went quiet. The crowd's verdict did not require a jail. Their judgement was to keep the story alive, to not let a single day sink back into polite forgetting. For him, the punishment lay in being unmasked in a small room of neighbors, of acquaintances who now would carry his face and his crime like a talisman of shame. He left with his head down and the echo of a woman's voice—steady, precise—saying, "You will remember."
Both punishments were public in different ways: one a square, raw and immediate; the other a slow unspooling in the community hall where buttons were cut, letters read aloud, and a man was shown he had a face others would no longer want at their tables. Each man's reactions ranged through the stages I had been told to depict: smugness, shock, denial, collapse, pleading. People with cameras recorded each stage, and on each recording their faces hardened into cautionary images.
After that, when the town had lit candles and sung small, unceremonious prayers, I went home with Klaus—he walked with me, silent in a way that said more than words.
"Why did they come to me?" I said at my door. "Why did Autumn make me see all that?"
"Because she loved you enough," Klaus said. "And because some things need witnesses. But you can't live in the purple room, Hunter. Live in the world where justice matters, even if justice is messy."
"Will it help?" I asked.
Klaus shrugged like a man who had seen too many endings. "It helps you remember. It helps them see. That is something."
I looked at the purple door. The knob pressed cool into my palm. Outside, the street hummed with the small lives of people who had not been to the boundary. Autumn's voice came against the wood, smaller, kinder.
"Promise me you'll remember," she said.
"I promise," I answered, and the word was heavy with repentance and with a new small resolve.
She smiled and for a second she was only Autumn, my sister, the girl who wanted to go to the Maldives and who braided my hair and who left me with a bracelet of red beads.
"I will wait," she said. "I'll keep knocking."
Then she closed the door.
When I lay down that night, I found the red beads on my pillow where she had always tucked them. The purple paint had dulled to a memory in the hallway. The apartment felt the same and not the same.
I slept, and for the first time in months, my dreams did not end under water.
The End
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